I agree. Also, I think a lot of women see the rise of the feminine to mean we are becoming a matriarchy doing away with the patriarchy. I see it as we are finally coming to balance in unity. But, yes, we have a ways to go.
Very good article! I believe emotional unavailability starts in childhood, especially with men. Boys are told not to cry and suck it up. I go a little deeper on the spiritual side that everything is energy and the "creative, intuitive, receptive" feminine energies have been suppressed (oppressed) and the "action, power, doing" masculine energies have been brought to the forefront and made to dominate for thousands of years because the systemic energies have used them to control the population. We all have both energies within us and the key to ultimate healing is balancing both within ourselves. Men and women are physical manifestations of these 2 energies and if we balance internally first, this translates externally as a woman holding space for a man to be vulnerable and a man holding space for a woman to be powerful. It's about being equals and complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses, not dominating each other.
Well said. I believe we need to find the appropriate balance of masculine and feminine within each person, and within society as a whole.
A woman I dated once use the phrase of "The Man Box". The concept was that so much of society places burdens on men to be stoic and to not express emotions. There is nothing wrong with strength and stoicism, but things can become unbalanced which I think is happening now.
I think one of the problems in society is that we are experiencing so much change so quickly that the roles that men and women are expected to play are changing before we get a chance to adjust. Not everybody even agree is what the roles are supposed to be.
I am hopeful that given time we will find better roles for men and women, that allow each to utilize their strengths while not imposing unrealistic expectations on either. We have a way to go still.
Hi John, I have read your article with great interest. Many reasons. The topic is dear to me, and I welcome getting this honest MALE perspective. I have written an essay called “Feminism in a world of sexism, misogyny and imbalance”, which I plan to post on Substack. Hopefully the word feminism is not a red flag – the way I use it, it’s about equality for ALL (including all gender). My basic thesis is that in an imbalanced society EVERYONE SUFFERS. I have spent a lot of effort on this essay to find a balanced approach. Not easy when pain has accumulated, sometimes in the form of ancestral trauma. I have had a dozen persons’ input on my essay, 3 of them very close male friends (and feminists). The topic is “inflamed”, but silence helps no one. (In my writing I often break the silence around taboo-issues.) Our common goal is HEALING and the creation of a BALANCED society. (Great advice in your article about how men can start the healing process.) To that purpose we need to bridge the gaps in perspective. We need bridges, not more ammunition. We are all of us souls, humans, not soldiers in a war against each other. I believe everyone needs connection and wants to be SEEN in a true light. I welcome your initiative (your article) and have a suggestion to you. Here goes: Can we have a further conversation per email? (My email is on your subscriber-list I guess.) This gives us more space, and I can send PDF-files if needed. Maybe you would even consider reading my essay before I post it. It’s up to you – feel free to respond or not.
Thanks for reading my article. I hope it was able to provide some new perspectives. If you haven’t already, I recommend checking out the writing by my collaborator https://substack.com/@alexkatsulis here:
He suggested the topic of men’s mental health, and though it was a bit outside my usual writing, I felt it was something that deserves more conversation.
I saw that you’re in BC. I actually grew up in the suburbs of Vancouver and was just back a little over a week ago. It’s always interesting to compare it to Los Angeles, where I live now.
I know there’s a lot of history to feminism, with different waves and beliefs. I don’t always know what wave is associated with what view, but I do think the word can carry different meanings for different people. For me, I usually prefer to focus less on labels and more on understanding what someone actually believes. One thing I try to do is not tell people what they think, but ask them.
I'm not entirely sure what you mean by BALANCED, but I agree with the idea that men and women are different, and neither is superior. We each have unique strengths, and when we work together, something greater can come from that.
I think men and women both deserve to be treated fairly and with respect. When one group is hurting, everyone suffers.
I also agree with you about trauma. It distorts how we see the world and makes everything harder. Healing those wounds is part of the larger work.
I really appreciate your desire to build bridges instead of gather ammunition. That metaphor really stuck with me. Hurting each other gets us nowhere. Listening and understanding each other is how we move forward.
And I completely agree—staying silent helps no one.
I’d love to continue the conversation over email. I’ll reach out to you and subscribe to your Substack if I haven’t already. I’m looking forward to reading your essay and I’ll gladly offer my input.
I agree. Also, I think a lot of women see the rise of the feminine to mean we are becoming a matriarchy doing away with the patriarchy. I see it as we are finally coming to balance in unity. But, yes, we have a ways to go.
Very good article! I believe emotional unavailability starts in childhood, especially with men. Boys are told not to cry and suck it up. I go a little deeper on the spiritual side that everything is energy and the "creative, intuitive, receptive" feminine energies have been suppressed (oppressed) and the "action, power, doing" masculine energies have been brought to the forefront and made to dominate for thousands of years because the systemic energies have used them to control the population. We all have both energies within us and the key to ultimate healing is balancing both within ourselves. Men and women are physical manifestations of these 2 energies and if we balance internally first, this translates externally as a woman holding space for a man to be vulnerable and a man holding space for a woman to be powerful. It's about being equals and complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses, not dominating each other.
Well said. I believe we need to find the appropriate balance of masculine and feminine within each person, and within society as a whole.
A woman I dated once use the phrase of "The Man Box". The concept was that so much of society places burdens on men to be stoic and to not express emotions. There is nothing wrong with strength and stoicism, but things can become unbalanced which I think is happening now.
I think one of the problems in society is that we are experiencing so much change so quickly that the roles that men and women are expected to play are changing before we get a chance to adjust. Not everybody even agree is what the roles are supposed to be.
I am hopeful that given time we will find better roles for men and women, that allow each to utilize their strengths while not imposing unrealistic expectations on either. We have a way to go still.
Hi John, I have read your article with great interest. Many reasons. The topic is dear to me, and I welcome getting this honest MALE perspective. I have written an essay called “Feminism in a world of sexism, misogyny and imbalance”, which I plan to post on Substack. Hopefully the word feminism is not a red flag – the way I use it, it’s about equality for ALL (including all gender). My basic thesis is that in an imbalanced society EVERYONE SUFFERS. I have spent a lot of effort on this essay to find a balanced approach. Not easy when pain has accumulated, sometimes in the form of ancestral trauma. I have had a dozen persons’ input on my essay, 3 of them very close male friends (and feminists). The topic is “inflamed”, but silence helps no one. (In my writing I often break the silence around taboo-issues.) Our common goal is HEALING and the creation of a BALANCED society. (Great advice in your article about how men can start the healing process.) To that purpose we need to bridge the gaps in perspective. We need bridges, not more ammunition. We are all of us souls, humans, not soldiers in a war against each other. I believe everyone needs connection and wants to be SEEN in a true light. I welcome your initiative (your article) and have a suggestion to you. Here goes: Can we have a further conversation per email? (My email is on your subscriber-list I guess.) This gives us more space, and I can send PDF-files if needed. Maybe you would even consider reading my essay before I post it. It’s up to you – feel free to respond or not.
Thanks for reading my article. I hope it was able to provide some new perspectives. If you haven’t already, I recommend checking out the writing by my collaborator https://substack.com/@alexkatsulis here:
https://doselfishwell.substack.com/p/37-isw-what-it-means-to-be-a-real
He suggested the topic of men’s mental health, and though it was a bit outside my usual writing, I felt it was something that deserves more conversation.
I saw that you’re in BC. I actually grew up in the suburbs of Vancouver and was just back a little over a week ago. It’s always interesting to compare it to Los Angeles, where I live now.
I know there’s a lot of history to feminism, with different waves and beliefs. I don’t always know what wave is associated with what view, but I do think the word can carry different meanings for different people. For me, I usually prefer to focus less on labels and more on understanding what someone actually believes. One thing I try to do is not tell people what they think, but ask them.
I'm not entirely sure what you mean by BALANCED, but I agree with the idea that men and women are different, and neither is superior. We each have unique strengths, and when we work together, something greater can come from that.
I think men and women both deserve to be treated fairly and with respect. When one group is hurting, everyone suffers.
I also agree with you about trauma. It distorts how we see the world and makes everything harder. Healing those wounds is part of the larger work.
I really appreciate your desire to build bridges instead of gather ammunition. That metaphor really stuck with me. Hurting each other gets us nowhere. Listening and understanding each other is how we move forward.
And I completely agree—staying silent helps no one.
I’d love to continue the conversation over email. I’ll reach out to you and subscribe to your Substack if I haven’t already. I’m looking forward to reading your essay and I’ll gladly offer my input.
Best,
John