I wonder what percentage of relationships end due to misunderstandings and assumptions compared to other factors that simply make people incompatible with each other. I'm guessing it is a high percentage.
This is an extemely important piece. It could spare arguments on the road, marriages, and I believe, a wide range of hurt emotions. I try to approach every situation with the idea that I really do not know. And when I forget, I wish that I had.
Thanks for reading my post. I'm happy that it resonated with you. It sure caused me heartache 💔
While it is important to be able to have an fairly reliable simulation of what other people think or feel, the way we tend to not even question our beliefs can be quite unsettling.
I recall it was like a switch that flipped inside me when I suddenly intuitively grasped this concept. My whole approach to dealing with people completely changed and it has been a boon to my ability to connect to other people.
Are there any examples where you wish you had not forgotten that you do not really know that you would feel comfortable sharing?
I agree with what you say here, however, I have found from experience that there is a great deal of intuition and nonverbal communication that can speak truths - oftentimes unconscious ones, which can tend to go unacknowledged or invalidated when one insist on verbalizing their motives after the fact. I've personally been on both sides of lying as to the reason for a groan or an ignored text, etc. when questioned about it after the fact. I've also been on the receiving side of someone insisting my actions or tone meant something it didn't (or at least I was not conscious of), so it's a tricky balance.
Sometimes we notice something and it feels like something's going on under the surface. Intuition picks up on it. But even if we're right that something’s there, assuming we know what it means can lead us in the wrong direction.
One thing I try to do is say something like, “I’m sensing you might be feeling frustrated. Is that true?”
It opens the door without putting a story on them.
This came up in a thoughtful comment on my post about not assuming what people are thinking:
All important examples of how assumptions can lead to disasters, John. Relationships are ruined this way. ❤️
I wonder what percentage of relationships end due to misunderstandings and assumptions compared to other factors that simply make people incompatible with each other. I'm guessing it is a high percentage.
That's true. The importance of shadow work cannot be negated.
This is an extemely important piece. It could spare arguments on the road, marriages, and I believe, a wide range of hurt emotions. I try to approach every situation with the idea that I really do not know. And when I forget, I wish that I had.
Thanks for reading my post. I'm happy that it resonated with you. It sure caused me heartache 💔
While it is important to be able to have an fairly reliable simulation of what other people think or feel, the way we tend to not even question our beliefs can be quite unsettling.
I recall it was like a switch that flipped inside me when I suddenly intuitively grasped this concept. My whole approach to dealing with people completely changed and it has been a boon to my ability to connect to other people.
Are there any examples where you wish you had not forgotten that you do not really know that you would feel comfortable sharing?
I agree with what you say here, however, I have found from experience that there is a great deal of intuition and nonverbal communication that can speak truths - oftentimes unconscious ones, which can tend to go unacknowledged or invalidated when one insist on verbalizing their motives after the fact. I've personally been on both sides of lying as to the reason for a groan or an ignored text, etc. when questioned about it after the fact. I've also been on the receiving side of someone insisting my actions or tone meant something it didn't (or at least I was not conscious of), so it's a tricky balance.
Sometimes we notice something and it feels like something's going on under the surface. Intuition picks up on it. But even if we're right that something’s there, assuming we know what it means can lead us in the wrong direction.
One thing I try to do is say something like, “I’m sensing you might be feeling frustrated. Is that true?”
It opens the door without putting a story on them.
This came up in a thoughtful comment on my post about not assuming what people are thinking:
https://heartmindfusion.substack.com/p/you-dont-know-what-theyre-thinkingstop
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